Culture Shock

Saya fighting dengan Matt kemaren * ihhh too much yaaa bilang fighting “. Ok jadi ceritanya begini nih, Matt dan saya punya rencana setelah menikah *amin* akan pindah ke US. Awalnya seperti semua cewek yang mau di bawa pergi dari keluarga, teman ( read comfort zone ) saya sedikit sedih, bingung dan agak-agak takut tapi..........sebenarnya saya juga lebih excited karena ini seperti hidup baru, petualangan baru dan yeahhhh jalan-jalan !!!.

Tentu saya masih sangat ingat 6 tahun lalu ketika dibawa pindah Opik, saya nangis tiap hari kalo telp dengan nyokap tapi setiap weekend saya selalu punya agenda untuk pergi ke tempat-tempat baru, saya homesick tapi saya dapat rumah baru, saya kangen semua teman main saya tapi saya dapat teman baru yang sekarang malah jadi sangat dekat, saya complaint dengan tempat baru tapi dulupun ketika saya di medan saya complaint setengah mati, saya harus jatuh bangun untuk bisa adaptasi dengan semua yang berubah di hidup saya waktu itu. 

Memang sih....medan dan Surabaya yahh gak jauh-jauh beda. 11-12, tapi tetap aja beda. Pagi-pagi waktu jalan dari kos ke kantor saya nemu papan Koran sehingga setiap pagi orang baca Koran sambil berdiri rame-rame dan itu lucu sekali seperti zaman perang, saya kenalan dengan orang-orang baru dari kupang, makasar dan banyak pulau lainnya di Indonesia yang selama ini gak terjamah saya, saya punya kesempatan untuk travelling ke Indonesia timur, datang ke pink beach, 29 kali ke bali dalam setahun karena dekatnya, mondar mandir ke yogya kayak setrikaan, punya hobby baru yang baru saya sadarin saya suka ketika di Surabaya, dapat keluarga baru, dapat penyakit baru juga di perut, ngerasain jadi anak kos yang harus nyuci dan setrika baju sendiri, pisah dari opik dan ngerasa terlunta-lunta sendirian di Surabaya, masuk rumah sakit sendirian dan dijemput mas bayu, ngerasain pacaran dengan orang jawa yang ngomongnya bener-bener medok (  bukan jawa deli ), nyoba kuliner baru.

Tentu saya juga ngerasa shock waktu baru pindah. Seperti jalanan yang lebih rapih dan saya gak bisa nyetir slonong boy, maki dalam bahasa jawa ( djanjuk !!!!! ), orang-orang yang lebih suka berbahasa jawa daripada bahasa Indonesia dengan saya, suasana kantor yang berbeda sekali, music daerah yang berbeda, orang-orang dengan kepribadian yang berbeda, saya masih inget kaget setengah mati ketika ngeliat BONEK ngeremes pantat cewek di pinggir jalan dan Opik bilang begini “ that’s Bonek Neng, so better stay away from them!! “, di Medan saya gak pernah lihat itu. Biarpun orangnya galak-galak tapi gak pernahhhhhhhhhh ngeremes pantat, makan orang iya hahaha.

Iya...iya....seperti yang saya beritahu di atas, saya nangis dong, hampir setiap hari saya nangis kejer kalo pulang kantor, kangen rumah dan berkali-kali pulang ke medan sampai tabungan saya kandas, belon lagi urusan domestic saya dan Opik yang bikin saya sebel dan nyesel banget pindah ke Surabaya. Saya marah trus dan kecewa sekali sampai akhirnya saya sampai pada satu titik yang namanya pasrah dan ikhlas * wow..wow...*.

Setelah saya mulai punya teman, punya tempat spa baru, punya internet di rumah, punya hati yang besar sekali untuk menerima kondisi saya yang baru, semuanya sih akhirnya normal-normal aja. Rindu rumah masih sih, tapi kalo rindu yahh pulang aja kan ada air asia ini, kalo saya sedih sekali ada temen dan lama-lama tinggal disini menyenangkan juga.

Culture shock saya pikir akan ada di mana aja, bukankah setiap hari kita akan selalu merasa frustasi dan gila melihat sesuatu yang berbeda dengan hidup kita biasanya. Saya 2 hari lalu shock lihat satu orang di kantor buang ingus didepan kita semua yang lagi makan, antara jijik dan geli tapi dia merasa itu wajar dan normal * yuck !! *

Bukan saya jadi silau karena akan pindah, wahhh gak sama sekali. Saya khawatir banyak sekali. Ada banyak sekali yang akan berbeda jika saya pindah. Contoh paling simple, ketika saya di Indonesia dan pergi ke Starbucks or Fast Food semacam KFC, Mc’D maka akan ada pelayan/waiters yang akan membereskan semua bekas makanan dan minuman, di US pasti saya harus beresin sendiri. DI Indo hampir semua rumah tangga punya pembokat, di US saya mungkin akan jadi pembokat. 

Pasti saya akan kaget-kaget amat sangat dahsyat ketika di sana dan bukan gak mungkin nangis-nangis minta pulang tapi.....kata my mom “we never know what the future hold for us”.

New Development...Thinking Out Loud

I've thought about this more than I want to. All the way to the point that I have lost hours and hours of sleep. A decision is sorely needed, and I think that I have finally decided what has to be done. I have re-evaluated my dream of being a professor at a medium-sized university in the USA, and am now content with finding any consulting/research/teaching position that is closest to Indonesia. As such, I am now focusing my job search outside of the USA, and will only consider a job there if the salary is incredible. This will be the easiest way for everyone involved. My only care is you and your happiness.  

Mind Your Boas Matt

Well, I am traditionally and anthropologist, having both a BA and an MA in anthropology, and now working on a PhD in the same discipline. Given that Franz Boas is the ‘father’ of modern American anthropology, we anthropologists are continually being taught about one of his main contributions to the field, and that is the notion of ‘cultural relativity.’ I’ll save you the boring details, but will emphasize that ‘cultural relativity’ is essentially an understanding of cultures on their own terms (i.e., through their own eyes metaphorically if you will). With that said, I find it interesting that given all the years of training that I have had in understanding this notion of ‘cultural relativity’ that I don’t always employ it in all aspects of my life. More specifically, it is not only important for cultures, but also for all of our worldly interactions. In this instance, it’s of vital importance to remember within my relationship with Noni.

To clarify, sometimes I feel that I love Noni more than she loves me, and I won’t lie, I have in some instances questioned her actual love for me. However, I now realize that this is not really based on anything other than the fact that we view outward expressions of love differently. I didn’t even see it like this until I read a blog post that Noni recently (i.e., today…) had me put up on our blog site. After reading her post, something clicked in my mind, like a light lighting up after being unused for years. She was completely right, it’s not that she does not love me; it’s only that she expresses her love differently than I express mine.

Now back to Boas…As it is vital to see cultures on their own terms, then why should individuals be any different? I realize that they are not, but I have somehow up until this point forgotten this most important notion. And in this case, I have forgotten it within the context of my relationship with Noni. I mean, I am in a relatively different world, in a wonderful relationship with someone from that world. I need to step back and start recognizing that things will not always be familiar to me, and that in many instances things may be altogether foreign. Most importantly, there is no need for my expression of love to be better or worse than that of Noni’s. We simply communicate our feelings differently, and both ways should be valued and understood on their own terms. Noni, I am so sorry that I have previously questioned your love for me, and am ashamed that I have sometimes failed to see your own unique way of loving me.  

Lastly sayang, thank you (so much!!!!) for reminding me that we cannot always be the same, and that those differences are what make this world and our relationship so wonderful. I promise that from this point on that I will always try to objectively view your love for me, and will never again try to impart my expressions of love as the ideal/perfect form. I want you just the way you are, and I want you to love me the way that makes you happy! I promise that I will always love you for who you are!

Matt.......oh Matt....

Tadi pagi saya dan Matt sedikit crash, gak berantem sih tapi sempat gak enak-enakan gitu. Kronologisnya begini :

Setelah nonton gossip girl, yang kelar jam 10 malam, saya ngobrolah dengan dia di telp, nah karena saya sudah ngantuk, akhirnya saya ngomong “ kita ngobrol pagi-pagi aja ya, nanti aku telp kalo bangun ”. Maksut saya kalo saya kebangun kita ngobrol, kalo gak yasud, gak usah di tungguin.

Jam 03.30an mungkin Matt kirim messages, isinya kurang lebih begini “ aku sudah bangun karena alarm, tapi kamu tidak telp”. Lah.....saya telplah dia, tapi bocahnya udah bête kayaknya, trus aku ikut-ikutan bête karena masih ngantuk. Setelah tutup telp, saya mau lanjutin tidur, ehhhhhh dia kirim msgs lagi....trus begitu, sampai akhirnya saya yang ngantuk ini telp lagilah.

Intinya nih, komunikasinya gak nyampe, pasti karena XL deh  hahaha. Maksut saya kalo saya terbangun saya telp, nah...Matt maksut dia harus pasang alarm dan tunggu pacarnya telp. Sempat sih dia ngomong saya gak respect janji dan gak perduli dan dia jadi Matt yang bodoh karena bangun dan nungguin saya telp, trus yang mau telp masih tidur aja. Wadoh....wadoh......

Kadang-kadang saya pikir Matt jauhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lebih cinta saya daripada saya cinta dia atau mungkin yang bener, Matt jauhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lebih expresif daripada saya. Bayangkan hampir tiap hari dengan keterbatasan dia , pasti dia kirim sesuatu untuk kasih tau saya, how much he loves me. Kadang-kadang cuman potongan Koran yang dibentuk sedemikian rupa, kadang-kadang prangko, kadang-kadang bentuk-bentuk jari dan itu belum lagi kalo saya bête-bete gak jelas dan seharusnya dia yang marah, saya duluan ambil start ngambek.

Emmm mungkin ini kayaknya gombal banget atau memang si bocah lagi banyak waktu trus gak ada yang digodain , entahlah. Terkadang saya suka bingung sendiri mesti bales apa, mesti ngapain, mesti bereaksi kayak apa. Kata temen-temen saya, itu resiko pacaran ama bule, dianya romantic abis, kitanya yang gelagapan.

O,ya sangking gak romantisnya juga nih saya ( menurut saya sih udah poll yang romantisnya), saya sampai mikir apa sekarang saya udah berada di zona nyaman?? Sehingga males usaha lagi????. Itu mirip pasutri yang sudah menikah puluhan tahun mungkin trus sangking udah nyamannya tiap hari ketemuan selalu dengan daster bulukan, gak dandan dan apa adanya banget. Hasilnya pas pasangan selingkuh ?? walahhhhhhh panic .

Tapi sebenarnya kalo selama ini saya ini kayak layang-layang putus gak jelas tujuan landingnya, sekarang.........koq rasanya beda sekali.

Dulu saya pernah mikir, pasti seru sekali kalau bertemu dengan seseorang yang pinter, yupe...Matt pintar sekali, kalopun dia gak ngerti atau gak tau, dia akan belajar dan dia suka sekali belajar, saya gak ngerti kenapa dia bisa kayak gitu?? Bahkan kemaren dia belajar ngomong pake kata “ kan, sih, deh, dong, loh, dan banyak lagi.

Dulu saya pikir, saya akan bertemu seseorang yang gak sempurna ( yaiyalah...kan masih pacaran dengan manusia hahaha ). Matt gak sempurna Blass.......banyak kekurangan dan saya tidak pernah mikirin kekurangannya itu. Ngerasa sudah sepaketan aja dan mengabaikan segala ketidaksempurnaan itu karena berasa gak ganggu, jadi males complaint. Gak tahu nanti-nanti secara saya juga gak sempurna ini. Gak sempurna focus maksutnya hahaha ( becandaaaaaaa)

Dulu saya pikir, saya akan begini dan begono ketika memutuskan untuk serius dengan seseorang, dengan Matt saya melupakan segala aturan dan permainan yang saya suka, dan sekarang saya cuman mikir kalo semua yang saya jalanin logis koq. Bisa dipikir gitu lohhhh....

Dulu saya pikir saya akan bosan sekali pacaran dengan cowok baik-baik, Matt....so far masih jadi cowok baik-baik dan saya gak bosen ( amit...amit...jangan sampai bosan ya Tuhan ). 

Dan dulu setiap kali saya putus trus nangis berdarah-darah atau emang sayanya yang bego banget sampai putus, ibu saya selalu ngomong “ suatu hari kamu pasti akan bertemu seseorang, yang kamu bakalan tahu dia orangnya, tanpa ngerasa ragu sama sekali”. Dan itu yang saya rasa sekarang!!!

Jadi......mungkin saya gak romantic kayak Matt, tapi Insya Allah saya sekarang bisa ngomong alhamdullilah karena dikasih pacar semanis itu. Amin.

Shades of Grey

Noni, loves photography, and is also an amazing photographer! I on the other hand, love photography; however, am not quite as capable as she is at it. More specifically, I have an irritating tendency to see great photo opportunities, but for the most part I am unable to make the camera see what I see.  Hopefully, I will improve over time, and take a single photograph that I can be proud of.

While Noni knows that like photography, especially black and white photography, she doesn't know that I studied some photography for the art history minor that I received from Indiana University. It was there that I truly started to appreciate the shocking simplicity of black and white photography, and it's dramatic ability to to tell it like it is. Additionally, she does not know that I like to collect black and white photographs, especially those that touch me, and I suppose to put it mildly, make it all make sense.

As such, I would like to share with you some of the photos that I have admired over the years. I have tried to put these together in such a way that they tell a story about life, with a bit about my life tossed in. I didn't put these photos in any order, as it's always a different part of the story for someone else. I only ask that you try to make our own connections. Importantly, keep in mind that it's a black and white existence, we need to accept that, and try to live somewhere in between.

Reminiscing - A Strole Down Memory Lane

Noni and I are usually not lacking on things to talk about during our daily telephone conversations. One topic, however, has not really appeared extensively in our discussions, and that is our past as children. Nevertheless, that is where we found ourselves a few days ago, laughing and talking about the past.

I loved hearing about Noni’s childhood, and could tell that she enjoyed remembering all those past events that had transpired. I pictured her sitting in her room smiling, being transported back to a time when everything was just simpler. I could also tell that she had a wonderful childhood, filled with people and places that held her close, comforting and supporting her along her way to becoming the beautiful woman that she is today. 

I too found myself remembering those times when I did not worry about what the future held, but was only happy to be living that moment. I too remembered people, places, and events that have been long removed from my daily life, but have figured prominently in my development.

I’ve decided that I need more reminiscing in my life. Just as those moments filled me with happiness when I lived them, they again entered my life to fill me with happiness upon remembering them. We must all remember that what we have stored away in our distant memories is a powerful mechanism, capable of making us feel the warmth of those things, people, and places from our past. Just as I and Noni have been blessed to have such wonderful people in our past and present lives, I yearn to be a remembered presence in the lives of those that I love and will come to love in the future. Lastly, Noni thank you for opening up your past to me and sharing with me all that you hold dear to you.    

Windy City Christmas

I arrived in Indonesia in February 2009, right after spending Christmas and New Year’s Eve near Chicago. So, I’ve now missed two Christmases in the Windy City. After receiving word that the first snows had recently fallen from my family, it got me thinking, missing the holiday season that I grew up with. Don’t get me wrong, I have been blessed to spend two holidays with Noni and her family/friends in Surabaya, but no matter how much they make me feel at home, there are still a few things missing. I guess by way of reminiscing, I’d like to quickly describe those things that are rumbling through my memories.

I miss the cold snowy weather. Despite the fact that I always wish for warm weather while in the moment, the holidays are not holidays without having to bundle up to head outside. I miss the crisp fresh air of a winter morning, and having to head outside and brush the snow off my car, before going anywhere. I miss sleeping with layers of blankets. I miss that a warm cup of coffee does not make me overheat, but instead provides me some sort of shelter from the cold that is constantly penetrating my clothes. I miss the sight of snow, and how it transforms the landscape into an elaborately detailed photograph.

I also miss the usuals. I miss the general holiday mood of the people in the area. I miss the way that you feel traveling from one place to another. The almost transcendent holiday connection between strangers, merely because it’s the holiday season.   

I also miss the constants, the large Christmas tree that my parents get, which we spend days decorating with ornaments. I miss seeing all the gifts piled under the tree, waiting to be opened. I miss the Christmas lights at our house, and the surrounding houses, that tell of the festivities yet to come. I miss hearing familiar songs, which have a way of brightening up my world, if only for a few minutes. I miss the company of my family and friends, and all the joy that comes along with that. 

So, while everyone in Indonesia would freak out. If you are reading this and able, send some white stuff my way.