Misunderstandings…

While arguments and/or stressful conversations are in general not pleasant at any time for any reason, they are most frustrating when they involve misunderstandings. Given that Noni and I have plans to marry in August of this year and then move to the US in February of next year, I have been thinking a lot about the life that Noni and I will make for ourselves in the future. In terms of money, which is one of the most (if not the most) important things to consider, we will be fine. I am fully aware that we will not be the new rich couple on the block, but with the lecturer position that I have at Southern Illinois and/or the position that is available at Saint Louis University I know that will be able to live comfortably in the states until I get a full-time teaching position at another university. And yes, I must fully admit that for that first year we will likely not be able to travel to the many places that we had wanted (e.g., Italy), as it will be important to save our money for a trip back to Indonesia. But aside from that last note, we will be able to have a comfortable life in the United States.  

One of the other things that I had not thought much about is “culture shock” for Noni; however, this was one of the first things that my family members have recently started asking me about. It got me thinking that not only will Noni and I will be newly married, but we will also very quickly move to a completely foreign place for her. Well yesterday, I started thinking that maybe it would be a good idea to not go back to teaching at Southern Illinois University after my research is complete, but instead try to find work in Indonesia. This was honestly only thinking about starting our life together in a very familiar place for Noni, not in any way related to money. However, when I verbalized this idea, Noni interpreted my concern as a major monetary problem, and that we were in dire need of changing all of our life plans. The other major problem was that I was completely incapable of communicating to her that I did not want to change our plans due to a problem or more importantly that there is in fact no problem. It was as if we were talking right past each other about two completely different topics. All that I was trying to do was to think of a situation that would make her feel very safe and comfortable, with all of the changes that will be taking place in our lives. It’s times like these that I wished my Indonesian was far better than it is.  

In the end, I think that I cleared things up, but I still remain worried that I inadvertently made Noni terrified about her new future life with me. You must understand that was not my intention at all, and that I desperately want to marry her in August and move back to the states with her in February (2013). I seriously cannot think of something that I want more than to have her with me in the US, starting our future together. Most importantly, I want her to know that there is no problem in any way with our future plans in the US, and that I will try to help her feel as comfortable as possible in her new home.