Mind Your Boas Matt

Well, I am traditionally and anthropologist, having both a BA and an MA in anthropology, and now working on a PhD in the same discipline. Given that Franz Boas is the ‘father’ of modern American anthropology, we anthropologists are continually being taught about one of his main contributions to the field, and that is the notion of ‘cultural relativity.’ I’ll save you the boring details, but will emphasize that ‘cultural relativity’ is essentially an understanding of cultures on their own terms (i.e., through their own eyes metaphorically if you will). With that said, I find it interesting that given all the years of training that I have had in understanding this notion of ‘cultural relativity’ that I don’t always employ it in all aspects of my life. More specifically, it is not only important for cultures, but also for all of our worldly interactions. In this instance, it’s of vital importance to remember within my relationship with Noni.

To clarify, sometimes I feel that I love Noni more than she loves me, and I won’t lie, I have in some instances questioned her actual love for me. However, I now realize that this is not really based on anything other than the fact that we view outward expressions of love differently. I didn’t even see it like this until I read a blog post that Noni recently (i.e., today…) had me put up on our blog site. After reading her post, something clicked in my mind, like a light lighting up after being unused for years. She was completely right, it’s not that she does not love me; it’s only that she expresses her love differently than I express mine.

Now back to Boas…As it is vital to see cultures on their own terms, then why should individuals be any different? I realize that they are not, but I have somehow up until this point forgotten this most important notion. And in this case, I have forgotten it within the context of my relationship with Noni. I mean, I am in a relatively different world, in a wonderful relationship with someone from that world. I need to step back and start recognizing that things will not always be familiar to me, and that in many instances things may be altogether foreign. Most importantly, there is no need for my expression of love to be better or worse than that of Noni’s. We simply communicate our feelings differently, and both ways should be valued and understood on their own terms. Noni, I am so sorry that I have previously questioned your love for me, and am ashamed that I have sometimes failed to see your own unique way of loving me.  

Lastly sayang, thank you (so much!!!!) for reminding me that we cannot always be the same, and that those differences are what make this world and our relationship so wonderful. I promise that from this point on that I will always try to objectively view your love for me, and will never again try to impart my expressions of love as the ideal/perfect form. I want you just the way you are, and I want you to love me the way that makes you happy! I promise that I will always love you for who you are!